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Writing is my Drug. Without it I’m too…normal!!
Only writers will get this, but when I can’t sit at my computer everyday and write I feel disconnected from the universe, from myself, and from my characters. Reality crowds in and I start getting irritable and my husband thinks someone else has taken up residence inside his wife.
Sometimes life and work crowd in and take over; well, they actually take me away from where I really want to be and from what I want to do. Working to pay the bills and put food on the table is necessary, but if I had a choice I wouldn’t do it. It’s days like that when I envy professional writers their freedom to not have to do another job besides their beloved writing.
I’ve been bogged down with dance festivals for the last three weeks, and even though I’ve had a few days where I’ve managed to get down around 10-14 pages, they came too seldom. I enjoy choreographing and creating dances for the kids I teach; I love seeing the end product on the stage and watching my girls, with whom I’ve been rehearsing for months, performing their hearts out and getting rewarded for their hard work and dedication. Now, this used to be my entire life – dancing, performing, rehearsing, choreographing – but when writing came along and my dance career slowed down it became my entire existence. I couldn’t believe that creating with words was as intoxicating, if not more so, than dancing. Oh, believe me, nothing beats being on stage in front of an audience and drawing them in and making them laugh or cry or applaud – it is definitely an art form where you get instant gratification and recognition – and even though writing produces the same results it just takes a little longer and a lot more (and a different kind of) work.
Writing when I’m exhausted is also hard and it takes great effort to sit down in front of my computer and make the start. But what I’ve learned as a reasonably new author, is that once I begin, once I set my imagination free, then there’s no stopping me. Tired or not, I can write all day. The adrenaline, the force that pulses through me, is addictive and one drug I hope never to give up.
Dance and writing are very different and very similar: they are both visual art forms and require the observer to use their imagination; they both take the observer on a magical journey, an escape from reality that the observer craves; they both grab the observer’s attention and hold them captive, and here is the first major difference: dance incorporates music, lighting, costumes, sets – basically, all the visuals are physically provided to help the observer become engrossed in the atmosphere created for them – whereas in a book the observer, with the author’s help, is left to create their own world, their own physical interpretation of the story, all taking place in the mind.
I thank God for giving me the ability to create and imagine. Albert Einstein is quoted as saying: “Imagination is more important than knowledge…” He understood the power of imagination, that it is limitless whereas knowledge is not, and as a dancer, dance teacher, and a writer I understand and acknowledge and welcome its power, and I’m grateful for the ability to use it to its fullest extent – tired or not 🙂
When I danced professionally it consumed my world; I could not even contemplate doing anything else. But time past and life, too, and when I discovered the world of writing I realised that dance isn’t all there is. There were other ways for me to express and share what was inside me, what was inside my mind and heart, just that now it was with words. I approached it tentatively, this new, scary thing, and once I tried it and discovered that putting down on paper what was in my head was just a little harder than creating a dance piece (choreography is as natural to me as breathing!), and it slowly started taking hold of me like a powerful drug coursing through my veins and setting my heart and soul on fire! Never did I think that writing would consume me so, and I allowed it to because it replaced my passion and love of dance, soothing the pain of leaving that world behind.
Teaching dance is my job; writing is my new passion, and I cannot think of doing anything else. It’s a good thing I can write ’til I drop dead one day. I don’t think this body would be able to do leaps and turns as well as I used to as the decades go by 🙂
When I write I feel invincible, I feel alive and full of joy, so when the ‘normal’ stuff of life encroaches I get very grumpy. I even hate stopping to have food when I’m in the flow. Ask my hubby; he’s had full on conversations with me while I’ve been writing and I haven’t heard a word!! He’s slowly learning not to mess with me when I’m in the zone 🙂
Tell me about the things that you’d rather give up than have your writing interrupted. I love reading your thoughts! Please share!
Related articles
- Wayne McGregor’s Wellcome show inspired by science (theguardian.com)
- An author by blood (theshevster.wordpress.com)
- Is Your Writing Style A Tango or a Waltz? (moniquerockliffe.wordpress.com)
The Hidden Sadness of Joyful Things
Feebledum and Feebledee
my brain it says to me,
“I’ve had no fun these past gone days,
to rant and rant and spree!”
*
I try not listen too much to brain
’cause I’m in pain, you see;
No cash to pay yon fickle hand
that reaches for its fee.
*
Learning how to change my thoughts
without the brain’s aware,
makes it a tricky, sticky thing
enlightenment to dare.
*
‘Believe in truth: you are a god!’
makes conscious brain a-freak!
“Such blasphemy I cannot take!”
is its constant tweet!
*
If I such power do possess,
new teachings reveal to me,
then how can this god make it work
when self-suff”ring’s all I see?
*
Here I sit all a-scare
’cause faith’s what makes all right;
but when one’s bills cry “Feed me now!”
my heart beats tight with fright.
*
Writing may my pleasure be
but tears bills do not get,
faith’s all good and glorious ‘t seems,
yet still no relief, not yet.
*
Blood and sweat and tears made book
and heart’s still filled with joy;
I wonder tho’ when faith will work
and reveal Universe’s real ploy.
*
If I am great then believe I must
for love and faith are real;
trust in god and God’s silent trust
in me to finally feel.
*
We’re great, you know, listen well,
all artists big and small,
if times tough are and seem unfair,
then listen to heart’s squall.
*
Feebledum and feebledee,
your brain might say to thee;
listen not to dark mumblings there
’cause power lies not in see.
*
Your power lies down in yon heart,
in trust in your deity;
make no mistake believe in faith (unseen)
and it will set you free!
*
Muse or God or god or self,
whate’er belief thou declare,
make sure your skill and talent divine
no suffering it ever bare.
by Monique Rockliffe
So, you can tell by this contemplative poem that my days of woe are many!!! Nah, being overly dramatic is all, but, boy, sometimes it’s tough when all I want to do is make a living writing and things seem like they’re just not working out. But, hey, those days come and, thank goodness, they go! Although today I’m in the ‘darkness’ at least it produced an amateurish poem that I hope gives you some hope (and even some amusement) if you’re facing a tough day or situation.
The bottom line is, don’t give up on your dreams or aspirations or goals, especially on the bleakest of days, because that’s when you need to keep your chin up and keep writing, or doing whatever makes your soul sing, with every bit of creative power you have. Whether it’s faith or love or the joy found in nature, a friendship or a pet, grab onto it, hold it close, and just keep going. Everything passes eventually, my friend. And you can always tell me about it if you feel like having a rant, and we can first mope and then get over it together. So drop me a line and share what’s up with you, even if it’s good news. It’ll lift my spirits and give me the encouragement I need to get through one of life’s tougher days.
Happy creating!